Examining Asian-Jewish Marriages
KoreAm magazine wrote an article in their June issue of 2011 that directly responds to the growing prevalence of Asian-Jewish marriages. Two sociologists from Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington, Noah Leavitt and Helen Kim (pictured below), who are also a happily married couple, took on a bit of their own research to delve deeper into this topic.

Noah Leavitt, a Jewish American and Helen Kim, a Korean American, both began realizing this growing trend, similar to the case of their own marriage, as they noticed all of the Asian-Jewish wedding announcements popping up in the Sunday New York Times. They could even list couples in their network of friends who also fit this description. So, this pair of married scholars began their research in 2009 and interviewed thirty-seven couples (out of an initial 300 who responded to their online survey) in which one partner was Jewish and the other was Asian and who could represent the broadest range of Asian-Jewish marriages. The couples interviewed were from California, Philadelphia and New York. They even included gay couples in their studies, and almost all of the couples had children.
Here is a picture of one of the couples interviewed, Katherine Kim and Benjamin Levy, posing with their children.

The article states that, “some were newlyweds, and others had married ‘illegally,’ before the Supreme Court declared state miscegenation laws unconstitutional in 1967. While most of the Jews were Ashkenazim, the Asians’ origins included Korean, Chinese, Filipino, Japanese, and Southeast and South Asian.” Through their research, they found some surprises and learned more about their the dimensions of their own relationship. They specifically explored the way parents incorporated both the Asian and Jewish aspects into their children’s lives.
Here are five of questions I liked best from KoreAm’s interview with Noah and Helen on the topic of Asian-Jewish couples:
How do they deal with the way others perceive Asian-Jewish marriages?
Kim: These couples were incredibly loving. Odds are in a society that is not blind to race—and even if you live in San Francisco or L.A. where we see lots of mixed couples—there’s still a general perception that this is kind of weird. To be committed to work through that, even if not on a conscious level, is an expression that “my love for my partner is strong enough that we’re going to be able to weather anything.”
What did you find important to the Asian members of these couples?
Kim: First and foremost, both partners talked about a similarity in values—an emphasis on education, close-knit families and hard work. [But] even though couples often talked about the similarities in their values, on a fundamental level, [most said,] “I’m together with my spouse because we’re individuals. I fell in love with him for individual, as well as maybe for cultural, reasons.” [Personally,] I’ve experienced people saying, “You’re probably with your husband because you’re similar—hard-working and well-educated.”Why I was drawn to my husband in the first place had nothing to do with that. You can be as well-educated as you want, but when it comes to the highs and lows of a relationship, you’ve got to be on board as individuals.
How do the families incorporate Asian culture?
Kim: The emphasis on food is a big deal. I think people feel it’s a very real link to their heritage. For a non-Asian Jewish partner to be into eating kimchi makes the Korean partner feel comfortable, that he or she doesn’t have to explain that aspect of their identity.Maintaining contact with the family of origin is also important, especially for second-generation folks. That’s true for me. My parents wanted me to assimilate as quickly as possible, so I don’t have the skills to connect my child to the [Korean] culture. For that, I rely on my mother. For example, I didn’t do the first birthday dol celebration growing up. So we went to my mom to find out what to do for my son, and we celebrated that at her house.
Did you find any surprises?
Leavitt: In just about all the households, kids were being brought up as Jews. But there was much more variability as to whether kids saw themselves as part Asian. Some kids were skeptical and didn’t see themselves, for example, as Chinese, and the Chinese dad would say, “How could my kids not see themselves as Chinese? They don’t look like white kids!”
Kim: The partners who were not Jewish were on board with the Judaism. For some of them, it was very foreign, but the Jewish partner really wanted to do this [observe Jewish practices such as the Sabbath, join a temple, make sure the children had bar and bat mitzvahs]. The non-Jewish partner said, “If this is what you want, then this is what I want too.” And that is no small task. I take that as an expression of commitment and love for one’s partner.
Why did the families choose to raise the kids Jewish rather than in the Asian spouse’s religion?
Leavitt: There are more opportunities to join the Jewish community—organized structures that help young people develop a sense of identity. But there’s been a demographic diffusion of Asian communities into the suburbs. Someone said, “It’s impossible for me to give the kids Japanese cultural immersion because there’s no Japanese community around here.”
Kim: Also, a number of the Jews and Asians were agnostic or atheist. You’d think, especially if they were atheists, that would mean they’d resist raising their kids as Jews in a religious sense, but, say, my spouse says he’s Jewish for cultural reasons and wants to raise his kids Jewish. I think there’s a lot more space in Judaism for atheism. (More than 50 percent of Jews in the U.S. identify as Jews culturally, but are not religiously observant.)
All in all, we know that this phenomenon is not going to be understood overnight. It is interesting, however, to see the sociological standpoint on this issue from these two sociology professors, Noah and Kim. We see that Asian-Jewish couples learn to coexist within their marriages and within their families. They decide the ways in which they want to raise their children – with a calm mixture of Asian roots, food and culture, and Jewish lifestyle and religion. Whether it is sending their children to Mandarin lessons or Hebrew school, these couples will make the choices they feel is most correct and most comfortable for their children and their surroundings. It seems as though Asians and Jews getting married is not such a foreign philosophy, but rather, it is very similar to all other multi-cultural and multi-ethnic relationships; it is a give-and-take, a sacrifice and development of cultural growth, and an experience of worldly culture.
Source: http://iamkoream.com/june-issue-examining-asian-jewish-marriages/
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